Selfish Archipelago Script
by stantookarelaxingbath
Summary: This is the script for Selfish Archipelago, starring Jaeden Martell and Wyatt Oleff. /BuAAJk3uVeU


**SCENE ONE**

_Johnny walks in, opens fanny pack, and puts on some chapstick before closing it and putting it back in the fanny pack._

Johnny: (under breath) 'kay…. I'm Johnny Wittworth and I'm… 12 years old. -I'm from Arkansas, Kansas… and I'm here to audition for-uh-the part of St-Stanley Urine.

_David opens the door._

David: Hey man!

Johnny: Oh, hey.

David: Um-I-uh-I have something really cool to show you.

Johnny: (interrupts) Really?

David: Yeah, I bring it in-I can go get it.

Johnny: Should I bring my hat?

David: Nah, I'm gonna go get it. You can stay here.

Johnny: Okay.

David: I'll be right back.

_David leaves. Johnny waits and looks at the camera like he's on the Office. David walks back in with a gaming device._

David: Here it is, man.

Johnny: Oh, really?

David: Yeah, here it is.

Johnny: What is it?

David: It's-it's like-it's a vide-it's a video game.

David: (_Walks over)._ Yeah, and so-like-you put it in _(demonstrates putting it in.) _And, like, I guess it's haunted.

Johnny: _(under breath) _Oh, really?

David: Yeah, so… _(garbled nonsense)_

Johnny: Can I play with it?

David: Okay, Here you go. (_gives the video game to Johnny.)_

_Johnny tries to put the game in, David corrects him._

David: Nah, it's like-

Johnny: Like this?

David: Yeah.

Johnny: So should you be-

David: So press the on.

Johnny: Where'd it go? Oh okay.

David: It's okay.

Johnny: It's okay.

David: The on is on right there… wait… no, that's the volume.

Johnny: Oh!

David: Oh it's right there.

Johnny: Ready?

David: Yeah.

_Johnny turns the device on._

_David clutches his stomach._

David: Ow! Woah, woah.

Johnny: Ding! Eh… Ahhhhh…

**SCENE TWO**

_A cyclone appears behind them._

Woah! A cyclone.

_David laughs nervously._

David: A spinning cyclone!

Johnny: It's a cyclone!

_Unintelligible talking_.

Johnny: It's starting.

David: Ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh. Oh god. Ohhhhh.

_Cut to black. _

**SCENE THREE**

_We see Johnny lying down while music plays. He breathes suddenly._

Johnny: _(whispers) _Where am I? Uh… where's-where's David? (_says loudly) _David? Where are you, David?

_He gets up and puts his hat on._

What is this?

_He pulls out the video game and opens it._

_(on screen) _William Cash: Hello! I'm William Cash and you've entered my game, Selfish Archipelig-go, and I-and I am here to explain the game so you understand how to beat it… and such. So the first thing you're gonna need to do is you need to collect-um-you need to collect-uh-little-uh koalas and put them in a-in a bottle, and if you bring, like, at least ten of them to me, I'll give you, like, a prize, and you can leave the game with, like, two koalas. Oh. Go ahead. There's no rules, you can kill anyone, (except daveed) so, have fun. Peace!

_Johnny closes device and puts it in the fanny pack._

Johnny: I wonder…. how I'm supposed to get this… bottle…

_Bottle appears in hand._

Johnny: The-the bottle! Huh… I must have… as soon as I must have said bottle, it must have been summoned to my… hand. That must have… be how this game works. Mhm… but first, before finding these koalas, I must find David.

_Thinking pose._

Johnny: Where could he be? Let's go.

_Runs away._

**SCENE FOUR**

Johnny: I wonder where he could've gone. I'll check my mini-map.

_Pulls out gaming device._

Johnny: There's a location over here… known as the bathroom, also known as El Baño. Maybe he's gone in here.

_Looks at door._

**SCENE FIVE**

_Opens door._

_David is standing inside._

Johnny: David!

David: Johnny?

Johnny: What're you... doing here?

David: Johnny, what're _you_ doing here?

What're you doing?

_Johnny goes in for a hug._

Johnny: I've been looking everywhere for-

David: Hey… back up, back up, back up.

Johnny: (whispers) David…

David: (breathlessly) I'm sorry. I can't trust anyone anymore.

Johnny: What are you doing, David. You're my brother.

David: I'm doing what I must. I alreddie collected 5 of the 10 koala bears.

_Johnny holds up 4 fingers._

Johnny: Five of them?!

David: Five! And I-I can't trust anyone. I have to win this game.

Johnny: David, this game has maded you into a maniac, David.

David: (_thrusts device at Johnny)_ I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Johnny.

Johnny: David…

David: You have to engage me in battle!

Johnny: Friends don't do this, David.

David: We're not friends.

Johnny: Friends don't do this, David.

David: We're not friends.

Johnny: Friends don't do this, David.

David: We're not friends, Johnny.

_There is a very apparent pause._

Johnny: If I must…

_Johnny dramatically unzips fashion accessory and pulls out gaming device. Then he dramatically opens the device._

If I must….

_Game noises. The game starts. Both look up. Johnny slaps David and David dramatically falls, with an interesting facial expression. _

**SCENE SIX**

_Johnny flips and closes gaming device dramatically, then throws it into his fashion accessory and VERY dramatically zips it up. He bends down and pushes on David's stomach and leaves it there for eternity._

Johnny: (under breath) David...

David: Ugh… ugh… I'm sorry I betrayed you. I didn't mean for it to come to this. You must take my koala bears. And win… win the game.

Johnny: I cannot.

David: You must.

Johnny: I cannot.

David: I don't have any life energy.

Johnny: David, I cannot take your… bears.

David: You must. Please. Please! Take it, You have to.

Johnny: Let me see those eyes, let me see those eyes, brother. (_takes off amazing exquisite never seen before (in stores) blue sunglasses with gold frames) _

Let me see those eyes. Beautiful eyes. You got them from your mother. Goodnight, David. Goodnight, David. _(whispers, thinking no one can hear that he has no accent.) _

I will always love you. (_does a weird nose scrunch and wipes his face off.) _

_Johnny stands up. He proudly shows you his koala kollection of 5(4)... bears while a speech bubble shows the word "uhhhhh". _

**SCENE SEVEN**

_Johnny steps into the shower and teleports to somewhere. A Magikarp is thrown at him and he fights it. Once beaten, a koala appears. He fights an invisible creature. Then he takes off his hat, bends down as a koala falls from it, and smiles proudly, before dropping the koala into the bottle. He now has seven koalas. He does some really bad pushups and some strange dance. He attempts to juggle with only two balls. He finds a koala under a pillow. "Bruh" sound effect. He does some sit-ups while punching air. He picks up a top hat._

Johnny: What's this? (_Reaches in) Is that a… koala? The final… koala? (Drops koala.)_

_He flips the hat over. _

**SCENE EIGHT**

_The camera starts shaking as William Cash stands up._

Master: It's me. Jo-It's me, Johnny.

Johnny: It's you!

Master: It's me the Gamemaster.

Johnny: Wha-What're you doing here? I have the nine koalas (_wipes nose again) _I have the ten koalas.

Master: Well, I'm the final test. So you're gonna have to-you're gonna have to fight me.

Johnny: Okay.

Master: I'm your final challenge.

Johnny: Now take off that mask. Who are you?

Master: If you must know… _(lifts mask)_

Johnny: (_biggest gasp ever) _It's you! John C. Riley!

David: No. It's actually me. Joh-John Twist.

Johnny: John Twi-John Twi-John Twist! It's you, John Twist. (_gasps)_

David: Mmhm… Hey… I'm here to fight you. Get ready!

(_gaming starts)_

Johnny: Nope.

David: Nah-ah.

_Gasps all around. They both look up and simultaneously slap each other. _

**SCENE NINE**

_They reappear lying on the floor, each with only one arm._

Twist: Well… guess that settles it.

Johnny: Okay.

Twist: You're the winner… of Selfish Archipelajago.

Johnny: Did you hear my stomach?

Twist: Yeah… Congratulations.

Johnny: Thank you Johnny. I appreciate it.

Twist: No problem.

Johnny: I don't know why I killed my friend.

Twist: Yeah I-yeah that sucks. Sorry about that.

Johnny: That's okay. He was kinda douchey anyway.

Twist: You think so?

Johnny: Yeah, whatever.

Twist: Yeah, I do, too.

Yeah, I'm gonna go now. You'll be, like, transported back soon, but-

Johnny: Alright.

Twist: Take care.

_Twist gets up._

Twist: Ow.

**THE END**


End file.
